Into the Fifth Month

 Amongst all the changes now happening in my body, in my mind and in my conversations the most striking change I have noticed over the first four months of being pregnant is my checked baggage at the airport. You see, I periodically return home and without fail, I joyful hit every surf shop I can find with my family and friends. It doesn’t matter if we are back home in Maryland, or visiting Scott and his family in Florida. Hitting surf shops is one of the things I want to do while I am home. (I also always want to drink dark porter-style beer, but I also have to give up that joy these days.) Anyway, my visits to surf shops are usually a serious investment where I purchase things ranging from long boards to rash guards to boxes of surf wax. Usually lots of surf stuff comes back from the States to Costa Rica with me every time. Well, this trip home was totally different and left me very rattled and slightly shocked by my current life changes.

My changes are profound, and I am trying very hard to learn and do the best I can every day. But, nothing has left me so baffled as when I returned to Costa Rica and started to unpack my checked bags. Yes, this time was so different! This time, the rash guards were replaced with bibs and onezies; the surf wax was replaced with diapers and butt paste; and the surfboards were replaced with an infant carrier. WHAT!? We unpacked and together, Vill and I, and we tried hard to “oooh and ahhh” over the new baby stuff. But, well, let’s just say...butt paste just doesn’t bring on the same reaction as a new surfboard. But, Mom and Dad did buy us some really cute onezies that are surfer-like and beachy, and we really like those.

 

I am trying hard to make positive change in my life and to stop thinking of this pregnancy as a handicap, but as a new beginning. Yesterday, instead of surfing, I swam and kicked alongside my surfing buddies. But, it really is not the same when you just watch the guys surf wave after wave, and it was really tiring. Little by little, I am trying hard to grasp the fact that soon (in fact, probably sooner than I can handle) I will bring home Jungle Baby. A BABY! I recently started talking to Jungle Baby and am trying very hard to prepare it for the rough ride it is in for. I try hard to explain that we are going to have to understand that I truly believe in “learning by doing” and that I know I will make many mistakes. I am trying hard to understand that it is alright to need to buy butt paste instead of a new Billabong rash guard. Really, I am trying very, very hard! 

I do get sad sometimes and am trying hard to turn sadness into positiveness. You see, it really is hard to suddenly have to stop living life the way you once did, to give up simple pleasures and to have to go to sleep all the time. Maybe I am really selfish, but I liked living my life the way it was before. I liked surfing all day and getting really water-longed and sun burnt. I liked to drink beer at 5pm (or at 11pm). I liked to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I really liked being selfish. But, I can’t be selfish anymore. I receive physical retaliations for being selfish now: I throw up, I hurt, I feel guilty...so, I just don’t do it. But, when it is my turn to strap Jungle Baby on my back and surf all day, s/he just better be ready!

All that said, most of the time now, I am happy and excited. Sick-all-the-time made its grand finale and has yet to return. I feel healthy. I feel like smiling and talking about the future. And, on Wednesday we go for an ultrasound and will find out the gender! That will make us very happy!