6 Months!

 Here I am, starting my sixth month of pregnancy!  Over the past three days, Jungle Baby and I have expanded. That may seem strange to you, but lately we get comments from everyone about the baby bump that is now ever-present. But, I have noticed that I am smaller in the morning than in the evening hours. So, later on, I will upload some evening hour photos.

Check out the difference!

<---Starting Month 6
                                Starting Month 5 --->















Now that I have started my sixth month of pregnancy, I am growing in many ways. I am growing more and more anxious about giving birth. My belly is growing rapidly. I am growing as a person. I am growing more accustomed to nasal congestion and the weird dark spot that showed up on my leg around month two and has yet to leave. I am growing fond of talking to, reading stories to and sharing my fears with my belly every night. I am also growing fond of my friends rubbing my belly when they see me. It is starting to grow on me that when I pass by, most eyes peer at my belly and not at my face. Yes, I am (should I say, we, Jungle Baby and I are) growing and growing now.

As I grow, I am growing really afraid of giving birth. Even though I thoroughly enjoy endurance activities and challenging myself physically, I am deeply afraid of pain. Really, I am very afraid of things that I know will hurt me with an intensity. I don't fear things like running a marathon, because I train and prepare for that type of pain. I know that running a marathon will hurt, but it is a predictable hurt. I don't fear surfing for hours in big waves, because I know what to expect with that type of physical challenge. I know what to do when the wave approaches and my body and mind work together to deal with that pain.

But, I don't like to set myself up for pain, for example, the pain that comes with getting a shot. I loathe needles. I cringe, cry and wince at just the thought of needles. To me, this is very different pain from the long-lasting, understandable pain. This is short, immediate and jolting pain. You know, like falling down, cutting your finger, breaking a bone; those are the types of pain I can't handle like an adult. I whine and feel like I will never heal.

So, imagine having to think about giving birth for nine long agonizing months. I can't prepare for it, I have no idea what it will feel like, and nobody can really train me for what it will be like for me. I just am left to imagine that for an uncertain number of hours I will suffer through needle-like contractions that will eventual grow more intense and at some point end. I am pretty sure it is going to be like hours of receiving needles, falling down, tearing my skin open and breaking lots of bones in my body!

Ok, I am going to just imagine that one day this will all be funny.
Like when Jungle Baby is 4 years old.

(But, then, I am going to be a total wreck when Jungle Baby is the one receiving needles, falling down, cutting little fingers...Oh My God!!!! I should have thought this all through for many more years!)

Time Flies

I am about to complete my fifth month and unfortunately I don't have much to report. In fact, (now, Mom, don't read too much into this) I am totally bored of being pregnant. I am bored about feeling pregnant and not totally looking pregnant, bored about not being able to do the things I used to love, bored about talking about (or listening to) what I should and shouldn't do, bored because I haven't felt the baby kick yet and just bored about having to think so much about what goes into my body.
From my boredom, I have decided that we should generally accept the following rules as universal norms:

When a Woman Tells You She is Pregnant
YOU SHOULD NOT:

• Tell her she just looks like she got a little fatter OR
• Tell her she should be much bigger than she is
• Exclaim that her thighs do look a little bigger
• Share the fact that you thought she was just getting lazier
• Tell her she needs to sit down (or that she should not sit in the type of chair where she is currently sitting)
• Tell her what she should or should not eat (especially if she is eating something at that exact moment)
• Tell her what you would do (unless you are a mother)
• Rub her belly without permission
• Tell her to relax more

When a Woman Tells You She is Pregnant
YOU SHOULD (in this order):

• Ask her how far along she is
• Ask her how she is feeling
• Tell her she looks great
• Ask her if she would like anything from the store (and then go get it for her)
• Smile and wish her all the best

 I know everyone means the best and has my well wishes in mind. But, since when did I matter so much to everyone. I thought I enjoyed being the center of attention, but this is just too much! However, I have decided to not be upset by comments anymore, but to just help people understand what their comments do to me. For example, when someone comments on my weight (and to be honest, when people tell me that I look like I haven't gained enough it is worse!) I just tell them that I go for an ultrasound monthly and the baby is perfect!  When I have something in my mouth and am criticized, I encourage them to go and buy me an apple or a banana. This really makes their comments stop! When I am told to sit down, I politely say, "No thank you." And, when I receive comments about being bigger I smile and say, "Thank god!"

So, I have taken control of most of my mental dilemmas with outside forces so far. But I just can't shake the fact that I have not felt the baby yet. I am supposed to feel it any day now, and being an extremely impatient person, I am freaking out a bit that there is nothing kicking me yet. I am supposed to feel some "flutters" first. SO WHERE ARE MY FLUTTERS? I talk to Jungle Baby all the time and encourage kicking, full-force kicking (which hopefully I will regret later).

But, there was one cool thing that happened the other afternoon. I was talking to Amanda and suddenly had the urge to hold onto my lower abs. When I put my hand just below my belly button there was a definite "thing" there. It was hard, round and sticking a bit out of one side of my belly. Amanda felt it too and I walked over to my man for him to touch it. I think it was Jungle Baby's hand or foot, but I have no idea, sticking outward. It was so cool!

Come on and kick me Jungle Baby!

We head back for the next ultrasound on August 16th! Keep your fingers crossed that Jungle Baby opens its legs and show us what is going on down there!

Into the Fifth Month

 Amongst all the changes now happening in my body, in my mind and in my conversations the most striking change I have noticed over the first four months of being pregnant is my checked baggage at the airport. You see, I periodically return home and without fail, I joyful hit every surf shop I can find with my family and friends. It doesn’t matter if we are back home in Maryland, or visiting Scott and his family in Florida. Hitting surf shops is one of the things I want to do while I am home. (I also always want to drink dark porter-style beer, but I also have to give up that joy these days.) Anyway, my visits to surf shops are usually a serious investment where I purchase things ranging from long boards to rash guards to boxes of surf wax. Usually lots of surf stuff comes back from the States to Costa Rica with me every time. Well, this trip home was totally different and left me very rattled and slightly shocked by my current life changes.

My changes are profound, and I am trying very hard to learn and do the best I can every day. But, nothing has left me so baffled as when I returned to Costa Rica and started to unpack my checked bags. Yes, this time was so different! This time, the rash guards were replaced with bibs and onezies; the surf wax was replaced with diapers and butt paste; and the surfboards were replaced with an infant carrier. WHAT!? We unpacked and together, Vill and I, and we tried hard to “oooh and ahhh” over the new baby stuff. But, well, let’s just say...butt paste just doesn’t bring on the same reaction as a new surfboard. But, Mom and Dad did buy us some really cute onezies that are surfer-like and beachy, and we really like those.

 

I am trying hard to make positive change in my life and to stop thinking of this pregnancy as a handicap, but as a new beginning. Yesterday, instead of surfing, I swam and kicked alongside my surfing buddies. But, it really is not the same when you just watch the guys surf wave after wave, and it was really tiring. Little by little, I am trying hard to grasp the fact that soon (in fact, probably sooner than I can handle) I will bring home Jungle Baby. A BABY! I recently started talking to Jungle Baby and am trying very hard to prepare it for the rough ride it is in for. I try hard to explain that we are going to have to understand that I truly believe in “learning by doing” and that I know I will make many mistakes. I am trying hard to understand that it is alright to need to buy butt paste instead of a new Billabong rash guard. Really, I am trying very, very hard! 

I do get sad sometimes and am trying hard to turn sadness into positiveness. You see, it really is hard to suddenly have to stop living life the way you once did, to give up simple pleasures and to have to go to sleep all the time. Maybe I am really selfish, but I liked living my life the way it was before. I liked surfing all day and getting really water-longed and sun burnt. I liked to drink beer at 5pm (or at 11pm). I liked to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I really liked being selfish. But, I can’t be selfish anymore. I receive physical retaliations for being selfish now: I throw up, I hurt, I feel guilty...so, I just don’t do it. But, when it is my turn to strap Jungle Baby on my back and surf all day, s/he just better be ready!

All that said, most of the time now, I am happy and excited. Sick-all-the-time made its grand finale and has yet to return. I feel healthy. I feel like smiling and talking about the future. And, on Wednesday we go for an ultrasound and will find out the gender! That will make us very happy!