Here I Am!

Hello World! My name is Zoe Lu Benavides Bowers and I weigh 6.9 pounds and am 18.5 inches. My arrival day was a bit of an ordeal, but now I am the third generation of December 11th birthdays.

I just am so cute, don't you think?

Yup, I do like to suck my thumb, or finger, or my whole hand!

During my first day here, I saw my Pa sleeping like this, so I thought it was the right thing to do. But, Nana told me that I should try harder to keep my mouth closed. Nana was right, and I learned fast that I should not really imitate Pa, but just love him!

This is me safe-and-sound in my papi's hands!

Come on over to my house anytime and play with me!

37 Weeks

Full term. Zoe Lu is now concerned full term. WOW! I am not sure how I feel now. Every day seems different, in fact, every hour seems different. Physically, let's see, I am tired. Very tired. I am hungry. Very hungry. Emotionally, well, I am a bit moody, especially when things don't work how I want / need them to work. I have little patience (but, that is normal). I just hate, loathe really, waiting.

I am ready. I don't want to think about what labor will be like anymore, I just want to do it. I want to see Zoe Lu's face and stop having to just imagine it. I want my family to get here. I want to focus on just being a mother. I want to start a family. I am ready.

I am not one of those women who will miss being pregnant. I am sure of this. I have enjoyed parts of pregnancy, such as: feeling her kick; growing closer to my man as we talk about our upcoming addition;  how people "care" about me; eating a lot; and a few other things. But, honestly, I have to say that I will love having her in my arms and out of my uterus. I will love to lay down on my stomach and having someone walk on my back. I will love to have a surfboard under my chest and to paddle for hours. I will rejoice when I don't have this metallic taste in my mouth all day. I will enjoy seeing my toes. It is not that I didn't like being pregnant, it is just that I really like not being pregnant.

I head to San Jose Thursday, December 1st. I will be living there, well, in Heredia, while I wait for Zoe to come. And, surprisingly, I have this calm internal peace inside me about all of this. I will be with two great friends for a few days, then my parents arrive a few days later. Then, we wait for the big day! Going away from home seems poignant to me now. I once dreaded the idea of having to pack up for an unknown amount of time, to live in an unknown house, and to wait for the unknown delivery to come. But, now, I am excited to go away, do my job and bring my baby back home. I am ready to leave all of my normal daily work stuff in one place, have Zoe, and then return ready to start this new life.

I just am ready now!

My next doctor's appointment is December 8th.
The next full moon is December 10th.
I hope for a delivery date of December 11th.

To Be Continued. . .

The End is Near, RIGHT?!

I seem to have come to an unwelcome full-circle in this journey of bearing my first child. I started with Sick-All-The-Time, where I could do nothing more than whimper and long for moments of peace when I could perform daily activities like the human I once was. But, Sick-All-The-Time was relentless and lingered for the entire first trimester, and then there was a reprieve. My reprieve lasted the entire second trimester. And, what a welcome reprieve it was! I was back, human and all. I had energy, I did things that didn’t involve any prior planning of my path to the nearest toilet. But, you see, that good stage was all a facade and I am now toting a 31 week huge belly and feeling totally out-of-whack.

But, I believe heavily in the power of mind-over-body, so I am not going to write, or even think, about how crappy the past couple of days have been. Nope, I am going to sing a new tune and write about all the good stuff happening. For example, I am really excited about how strong I can feel my baby kick; I am so happy to have “baby stuff” to touch and organize; I am in awe of the size of my belly, and I am even more in awe of how my belly does not feel super uncomfortable.

So, yes, she is a kicker and a mover and a shaker. She is one strong baby who has perfected low blows to my right. Some kicks and/or punches are so strong I gasp and then laugh. She tickles my ribs sometimes and it feels worse than when my PopPop would tickle me until I cried for my grandmother to make him stop. Oftentimes she is laying right on top of some internal organ. When this happens, I stop immediately and beg for her to make a deal with me. I usually place on the table that I promise to feed her every day if she moves, and being the logical baby she is, she usually decides to take my deal and wiggles to a new spot. If not, I lay on my back and put my feet upright on the wall and gently jiggle her. (I used to jump up-and-down, but that, apparently, is not recommended.) Once she moves, I remind her that I will remember her stubbornness and will get even with her one day. (And, don’t worry, I promise to feed her daily despite how seriously I take bets).   

My baby bump, man and I toured the east coast recently and were showered with baby shower gifts. It was a very well-executed surprise and the gifts are so fun and much-appreciated. I never thought the sight of tiny shoes would have such an impact on me, but I just love looking at all the tiny stuff we now have. Some of the stuff still seems foreign to me (like, well, diapers) but the clothes, shoes, and toys are all wonderful. We have been having fun thinking about how we will organize space for Zoe Lu. We even have a deadline of November 10 to have the room ready for our new arrival.

And now, my belly size: HUGE! I am not exaggerating like I normal do either. Over the past month, I have seriously taken on the form of a very pregnant women. See for yourself:

To my disbelief, it is not so weird to have such a big belly (well, as long as full-length mirrors are few-and-far between because it really is weird when I see my full body’s reflection). I was sure that it must be totally uncomfortable to carry such weight and would seriously stare at women’s pregnant bellies with a mixture of admiration, loathing, and respect. Much like the way I stare at professional athletes in the midst of performing their sport. Maybe I don’t feel much strain because the process is so long and slow. Maybe it is just because I stupidly think that the bigness is here, and will really continue to grow into uncomfortableness over the next month. Well, either way, it is not such a big deal. Don’t get me wrong: There are a lot of strange movements that I find myself doing now. It is especially funny when I forget and sit down on the floor or on the beach and then have to stand up unaided. Now that is funny to see!

So, yes, there are lots of fun things to report. All of which really do help me feel better. And, I have a new attack for Sick-All-The-Time tomorrow. Hopefully, I will return with a joyful report lacking nausea, extreme tiredness, headaches, and any other crappy feelings. Here’s to tomorrow: Cheers!

Third Trimester

I really can't believe I will grow much bigger than what you see above, but when I talk to mothers I always receive the same reaction and they all say the same thing: "Oh, you just wait..." YIKES! is what I think about that.  I am big now. So big that, and I know it sounds funny, my belly bumps into things all the time. I really hope that Zoe Lu's reflexes are developing with ease and she is quickly learning how to protect herself inside my uterus, for I am not much help from the outside.

 See that crazy hair up there? And, I even brushed it before this photo. I have no idea what is going on with my hair. I did just get it cut and it is a bit straighter, but still weird. The cool girl who cut my hair repeatedly commented on the "new hairs" I have around my forehead. I hadn't really noticed those before, but I do have a lot more "fly-aways" in the front now too.

The fur on my arms is still growing like a forest fire. I just have no idea what to do about that. I was really close to shaving my arms the other night, but thankfully I resisted the urge. I just told myself that it would probably grow back even thicker. Probably true, right?

I complete week 27 on Tuesday. According to the books I was supposed to stop reading (for they really freak me out) I am just starting my third trimester. This is the final stretch, the last few miles of my marathon, the last couple waves of the session...the end is now in sight. Well sorta..., December feels like a long time away.

Cesar, Zoe and I are flying to the States on Wednesday. Zoe doesn't have a passport or a visa yet, and I am really excited about sneaking a half Latina into the country without any documentation. I used to dream about sneaking Cesar into the States in my checked bag, but we went the legal route and he has a tourist visa. Zoe Lu, on the other hand, doesn't have legal documents. I just hope she stays quiet from when we land in DC until we depart three weeks later.

This is easy now.

Yup, easy breezy. All the books I have been reading and stopped reading seem to focus on lots of bad things and feelings that should be happening, and I used to dwell upon those chapters. But, I have discovered that what is missing oftentimes is the good and fun parts of this feat. (And, boy, I sure have changed my tone, huh?)

I have completed 25 weeks and I feel great. In fact, if it weren't for reflective glass I would totally forget I am pregnant. Physically, I feel unstoppable. Now, I don't have Wonder Woman powers like some women have told me they experienced, but I really do feel fine. I would like some Wonder Woman powers though...

 I walk a lot, practice yoga, swim, bump into things and do have some anxiety about the future. But, I have inherited a strong affinity for needless worry from my mother, so I chalk my anxiety up as one of my mother's faults, not due to the pregnancy. I did freak out recently because a day and a half passed and the very, very strange fetal movements I now feel stopped, totally stopped. I had a great routine going and always felt Zoe Lu during Shavasana (the calm section that ends a yoga practice), immediately after eating and when I put my feet up on the wall before sleeping.

So, after an uncomfortable 30 hours I freaked out and called my doctor and took his (and my sister-in-law's) advice and drank some OJ, laid on my left side and Zoe made her presence known. She just must have been chilling for a few hours, and maybe I should learn how to chill a bit too. Maybe.

Oh, and, this is funny. One day I was walking back from the local surf beach and feeling a bit down because the waves were perfect and I long to be on my surfboard, but, anyway, I was just walking. Walking and thinking about nothing and suddenly...BOOM! I just fell down. My knee hit hard and my palms struck some gnarly rocks. It didn't hurt too bad, and I have a cool scab on my knee now. It was just so weird. I just fell. All I could think about is how the only thing I am supposed to avoid is falling. So, yeah, I fell.

As you can see, I am undoubtedly pregnant now. And, I have some new ground rules for the general public when you see a pregnant woman and feel overwhelmed to make a comment:

1. Never inflate your cheeks and pretend to be eating food. 
2. Make absolutely zero comments about her size.
3. Never say anything about what she is wearing (or not wearing).
4. As she eats (even ice cream for the third time that day), do not comment.
5. Do, please, look at her face when you talk to her. 
6. If she doesn't want to sit down, do not insist (but, thanks for offering her a chair).
7. If you are man, never claim to understand how she feels.
8. If you are a mom, share that secret "I totally understand" look with her.

What else is new?. . . Oh, hair!
I have an enormous amount of hair on my arms and should shave my legs twice daily. I have read that the hair on my head should look amazing now, but I didn't get that part. In fact, my head hair has this new fizzy, dried out, circa 1991 at-home perm look. And, lots of my head hair falls out, despite what the books say about it not falling out now and clumping out after birth. I just hope that once Zoe Lu makes her appearance the insane amount of hair on my arms departs. If not, I will start to dread it.

And, I have a funny line of hair straight down the middle of my belly. I don't know why, but that line always makes me laugh. I think I am tickled by the perfection and furriness of this line, and I have no idea why it is there.

So, hairy arms in tow, I am off to walk for a bit and soak up some afternoon sunbeams. I just hope I don't fall down...

Did he say...

Yeah, he did. He said it. The doctor was unequivocally sure. When I told the doctor that both of us always thought it was a boy, he told us that Jungle Baby could be a boy, but "there is her vagina". If we still wanted to think that it was a boy, that was fine, but "she is just perfect."

Yes, we were/are a bit shocked. You know when you order a chocolate milkshake and the container is really dark and you take that first sip. Well, you just expect a strong chocolate taste to hit your tongue in just the right spot. But, if you take that first sip and the milkshake-maker made a mistake and you have something weird, like, let's say, strawberry, you are just shocked. You might like strawberry, but it was not what you expected. That first sip is just weird and hard to accept. You might not go back to the milkshake-maker and return the strawberry shake, because maybe you really like strawberry and now the strawberry tastes good. But, you know, you just thought it was going to be chocolate.

I just thought Jungle Baby was going to be a boy. I was sure "it" was a boy. I have no idea why I thought that. And, clearly now, I have accepted the reality that I have zero maternal instincts that work. And,

Jungle Baby is ZOE LU!

Yes, she is perfect. She even looks really cute on the ultrasound video. She has a seriously strong heartbeat and she is going to be super incredible. I never really thought I would be a mom, and really have never considered the idea of having a daughter. I could see myself with a son. But, a little girl has never, ever enter my realm of daydreams. So, of course, I am going to have a daughter. But don't fret, I think about it all the time now, and it makes me crazy happy.

I think about how Zoe Lu is going to take over the world. Yup, she is (and I have zero maternal instincts telling me that this is true, I am simply listening to everyone around me). My parents raised me to be a very strong and independent woman and for that I am eternally gratefully. I plan on going even farther and raising a Super Woman. ZOE LU will be something extra special. She just can't ever want to take ballet. Then, we will really have to have some mother-daughter talks.

So, it seems we need lots of board shorts and bikinis. The best of both worlds!

Look How We've Grown

 This is how Jungle Baby and I started this journey of pregnancy. Pre-pregnancy life was easy: I woke, ate, surfed, worked and even drank endless amounts of coffee and afternoon beers. Oh, how times have changed!
<--------
This photo was about seven weeks into Jungle Baby's fetal development, and don't let my smile fool you! I was a wreck during the entire first trimester. If you can remember, Sick-All-The-Time was always around. I was moody, tired, upset, nervous...oh, the list goes on-and-on.
 
But, we continued to learn and grow together, and with time everything grew easier. I learned how to balance the emergency runs to the bathroom to vomit with my classes and work schedule. I learned to LOVE saltines and ginger ale. And, thankfully the first trimester ended rather quickly!

 Then, I started to get a belly, or baby bump (I am not sure I like that phrase), and I threw up less, I complained less, I stopped emailing Megan frantic emails and I decided that I could do this amazing feat! I was going to have a baby soon and was going to be someone's mom. This is when Cesar and I started the discussion of names, and it only took us two nights to decide. Those nights were fun! We both shared the strong feelings in our guts that it was a boy and Cesar still hopes that it is. He is very afraid of having to protect a girl from eager boyfriends. And, well, I just don't have much in common with girly-girls. Anyway, regardless of what happens with the next ultrasound, we have always been convinced that it is a boy, but strangely decided on a girl's name first and without doubt. So, either way, we just want to see Jungle Baby healthy and happy in December!



Here I am in July, four months into my journey of making a fetus change into a human being. Now, life was great! I defeated Sick-All-The-Time, stopped depending on ginger to make it through a day. My appetite and energy returned to normal. I was happy that I looked a little pregnant and eager to talk about it with anyone who wanted to hear about it.

Despite the rough first trimester, I did it! 





<------ Photo at 4 months

 A couple of weeks later there was not much new to report. I continued with my yoga classes, walked in the afternoons and thought a lot about surfing and how Jungle Baby just might be a pro surfer. To be honest, this thought rarely escapes my mind...I daydream of being a mom with fins on, out in the middle of the ocean, encouraging Jungle Baby to paddle and take a left or right wave. I am not sure what I will do if Jungle Baby has other intentions.

<------ Photo at 4.5 months

 Not much happened over the next month. I expanded a bit in my belly, but still could wear my normal clothes. I developed some nasty "spider veins" on my right leg (of which I do not approve) and just returned to being me. I wasn't feeling anything, not movements, not nausea, not cravings, nothing really. Just felt a bit heavier all over.

In fact, the "nothingness" that was happening now, made me feel really bored with pregnancy. I didn't have much new to say, my books didn't really share anything cool that was changing, and people stopped being so interested. If I wore certain clothes, I didn't really look pregnant, so I tried to wear tight shirts, just to personally remember and to remind people that something was going on. But, mostly, I was just bored of it and ready for something to happen or change.

Well, changes happened fast! I popped! I really, over three days, GREW! Suddenly, I was the topic of town and couldn't stop the hands reaching for my belly. (Thankfully, I welcome the touches and attention now.) It was so interesting - At night, I was HUGE. After dinner, I couldn't sit down comfortably, and all day I had to hold my belly upward to ease the stretching tension. I longed to talk and talk about it to anyone that was nearby. I could literally feel the stretching happening. And, BOOM! there was my now-obviously-pregnant belly.
 <------ Photo Yesterday

I look down and laugh at my belly now, it is so round and solid. I feel like there is an addition added to my front-side, and I just can't take the addition off. I feel fine, just big! I have lots of energy and eat a lot. I get hot really fast, but that is normal. I get tired fast and long for afternoon naps, but that is normal too.


On Tuesday, I will be 23 weeks pregnant. Over half-way there! We head back to San Jose tomorrow night and have the next ultrasound on Tuesday at noon. We can't wait to see Jungle Baby again and to find out if we can say LOGAN (middle-name-in-the-works) or ZOE LOU! I was once extremely nervous when we went to the OB/GYN in San Jose. I didn't want to hear bad news, but now I just get excited and can't wait to lay down and see Jungle Baby on the TV screen. I can't wait to hear its heartbeat and hopefully s/he will open those little legs so we can finally find out if Jungle Baby needs board shorts or bikinis! 

River Yoga & 5.5 Months

 Yoga and pregnancy are supposed to be a great combination. So, I am tiring hard to keep a regular schedule of yoga practice as Jungle Baby and I grow. I have a great friend here, Ireni, who is a talented and creative yoga teacher. She developed River Yoga Hikes. These are great for someone like me: a water-lover, easily-bored by repetition and one who longs for a "workout" more than just a "stretch".  We did our first Yoga Rio (river) last week.

 I still have a hard time with "left" and "right"...as you can see from my tree stand above!

 Ireni!

 We are pretty sure Jungle Baby likes to hang from trees.

 A natural jacuzzi pool!

Let's see, what's new? I am really getting used to being pregnant now. Like I said before, I am a bit bored by it. In addition to yoga, I try to walk and swim a lot. That's fine, but nothing like hours of surfing. But, I am adjusting. I don't feel much different and not much new to report...just counting the weeks and watching them fly by.

I have been told that there is no denying the fact that Jungle Baby exists. Even with baggy shirts, you can see the baby bump down there. I do like that, for at least there is some tangible proof for how I feel sometimes.

6 Months!

 Here I am, starting my sixth month of pregnancy!  Over the past three days, Jungle Baby and I have expanded. That may seem strange to you, but lately we get comments from everyone about the baby bump that is now ever-present. But, I have noticed that I am smaller in the morning than in the evening hours. So, later on, I will upload some evening hour photos.

Check out the difference!

<---Starting Month 6
                                Starting Month 5 --->















Now that I have started my sixth month of pregnancy, I am growing in many ways. I am growing more and more anxious about giving birth. My belly is growing rapidly. I am growing as a person. I am growing more accustomed to nasal congestion and the weird dark spot that showed up on my leg around month two and has yet to leave. I am growing fond of talking to, reading stories to and sharing my fears with my belly every night. I am also growing fond of my friends rubbing my belly when they see me. It is starting to grow on me that when I pass by, most eyes peer at my belly and not at my face. Yes, I am (should I say, we, Jungle Baby and I are) growing and growing now.

As I grow, I am growing really afraid of giving birth. Even though I thoroughly enjoy endurance activities and challenging myself physically, I am deeply afraid of pain. Really, I am very afraid of things that I know will hurt me with an intensity. I don't fear things like running a marathon, because I train and prepare for that type of pain. I know that running a marathon will hurt, but it is a predictable hurt. I don't fear surfing for hours in big waves, because I know what to expect with that type of physical challenge. I know what to do when the wave approaches and my body and mind work together to deal with that pain.

But, I don't like to set myself up for pain, for example, the pain that comes with getting a shot. I loathe needles. I cringe, cry and wince at just the thought of needles. To me, this is very different pain from the long-lasting, understandable pain. This is short, immediate and jolting pain. You know, like falling down, cutting your finger, breaking a bone; those are the types of pain I can't handle like an adult. I whine and feel like I will never heal.

So, imagine having to think about giving birth for nine long agonizing months. I can't prepare for it, I have no idea what it will feel like, and nobody can really train me for what it will be like for me. I just am left to imagine that for an uncertain number of hours I will suffer through needle-like contractions that will eventual grow more intense and at some point end. I am pretty sure it is going to be like hours of receiving needles, falling down, tearing my skin open and breaking lots of bones in my body!

Ok, I am going to just imagine that one day this will all be funny.
Like when Jungle Baby is 4 years old.

(But, then, I am going to be a total wreck when Jungle Baby is the one receiving needles, falling down, cutting little fingers...Oh My God!!!! I should have thought this all through for many more years!)