Jungle Baby Gets a Sister

You know how you say something when you really believe it is true. You know it is true. Even if it is your opinion, you are extremely opinionated about it. You say it with confidence. It is your fact.

This used to be my it:
"No, no I won't. I know, Zoe Lu really is great and I agree, she should have a sibling. But, no. I will never be pregnant again."

Yes I am. My it was not true.

Thankfully Zoe Lu is going to have a sister. I get to give her a sister! I have one. I have a sister. And thankfully! What in the world would life be like without a sister? Thankfully I won't raise a child asking me that question, for I truly have no idea. My sister rocks and Jungle Baby #2 will rock her way here in October. My sister was born in October too. My sister and I are 22 months apart, and my daughters will be as well. If you think about, my family is full of impressive sister teams.

(If you know my family, think about it...)
Here comes another sister team!

I don't need to vent about being pregnant now. I am very pregnant now, in week 22. I look pregnant, but no other part of my life has been touched by this pregnancy. I feel absolutely normal, but she is growing in there. She is very, very different than her sister. Jungle Baby #2 doesn't need you to pay her much attention. She is just chilling, passively just swimming around. As she swims and grows safely inside, we have anarchy here out here.

Zoe Lu is almost 18 months old and the sheer joy and utter terror of my life! She is one mesmerizing, complex and powerful creature. She makes you notice her. Since day one she has captured everyone's attention. As she has aged, nothing has changed. In fact, she is just becoming more powerful day-by-day.

I find myself terrified of my daughter at times. I oftentimes have no idea what she will do and she is strangely powerful. She has the power to make me laugh, cry, scream, whisper, jump up-and-down, push a stroller for hours, sing...to do to any single thing she wants me to do just by looking at me. She has me at her command every second we are together. You have to admit this type of power is to be feared.

My house is no type of democracy anymore. It is ZOE's WORLD and I have been demoted. I now work for Zoe. She is the queen bee, and I am a drone. I enjoy reading sarcastic mom writers' rants honestly portraying motherhood. I really do find solace in humor bashing the fake beauty of raising a child. THIS IS HARD! This job is much harder than I thought.

Current Job Description
ZOE's WORLD Grunt (position formerly named Mom)


TO BE CONTINUED...

Here I Am!

Hello World! My name is Zoe Lu Benavides Bowers and I weigh 6.9 pounds and am 18.5 inches. My arrival day was a bit of an ordeal, but now I am the third generation of December 11th birthdays.

I just am so cute, don't you think?

Yup, I do like to suck my thumb, or finger, or my whole hand!

During my first day here, I saw my Pa sleeping like this, so I thought it was the right thing to do. But, Nana told me that I should try harder to keep my mouth closed. Nana was right, and I learned fast that I should not really imitate Pa, but just love him!

This is me safe-and-sound in my papi's hands!

Come on over to my house anytime and play with me!

37 Weeks

Full term. Zoe Lu is now concerned full term. WOW! I am not sure how I feel now. Every day seems different, in fact, every hour seems different. Physically, let's see, I am tired. Very tired. I am hungry. Very hungry. Emotionally, well, I am a bit moody, especially when things don't work how I want / need them to work. I have little patience (but, that is normal). I just hate, loathe really, waiting.

I am ready. I don't want to think about what labor will be like anymore, I just want to do it. I want to see Zoe Lu's face and stop having to just imagine it. I want my family to get here. I want to focus on just being a mother. I want to start a family. I am ready.

I am not one of those women who will miss being pregnant. I am sure of this. I have enjoyed parts of pregnancy, such as: feeling her kick; growing closer to my man as we talk about our upcoming addition;  how people "care" about me; eating a lot; and a few other things. But, honestly, I have to say that I will love having her in my arms and out of my uterus. I will love to lay down on my stomach and having someone walk on my back. I will love to have a surfboard under my chest and to paddle for hours. I will rejoice when I don't have this metallic taste in my mouth all day. I will enjoy seeing my toes. It is not that I didn't like being pregnant, it is just that I really like not being pregnant.

I head to San Jose Thursday, December 1st. I will be living there, well, in Heredia, while I wait for Zoe to come. And, surprisingly, I have this calm internal peace inside me about all of this. I will be with two great friends for a few days, then my parents arrive a few days later. Then, we wait for the big day! Going away from home seems poignant to me now. I once dreaded the idea of having to pack up for an unknown amount of time, to live in an unknown house, and to wait for the unknown delivery to come. But, now, I am excited to go away, do my job and bring my baby back home. I am ready to leave all of my normal daily work stuff in one place, have Zoe, and then return ready to start this new life.

I just am ready now!

My next doctor's appointment is December 8th.
The next full moon is December 10th.
I hope for a delivery date of December 11th.

To Be Continued. . .

The End is Near, RIGHT?!

I seem to have come to an unwelcome full-circle in this journey of bearing my first child. I started with Sick-All-The-Time, where I could do nothing more than whimper and long for moments of peace when I could perform daily activities like the human I once was. But, Sick-All-The-Time was relentless and lingered for the entire first trimester, and then there was a reprieve. My reprieve lasted the entire second trimester. And, what a welcome reprieve it was! I was back, human and all. I had energy, I did things that didn’t involve any prior planning of my path to the nearest toilet. But, you see, that good stage was all a facade and I am now toting a 31 week huge belly and feeling totally out-of-whack.

But, I believe heavily in the power of mind-over-body, so I am not going to write, or even think, about how crappy the past couple of days have been. Nope, I am going to sing a new tune and write about all the good stuff happening. For example, I am really excited about how strong I can feel my baby kick; I am so happy to have “baby stuff” to touch and organize; I am in awe of the size of my belly, and I am even more in awe of how my belly does not feel super uncomfortable.

So, yes, she is a kicker and a mover and a shaker. She is one strong baby who has perfected low blows to my right. Some kicks and/or punches are so strong I gasp and then laugh. She tickles my ribs sometimes and it feels worse than when my PopPop would tickle me until I cried for my grandmother to make him stop. Oftentimes she is laying right on top of some internal organ. When this happens, I stop immediately and beg for her to make a deal with me. I usually place on the table that I promise to feed her every day if she moves, and being the logical baby she is, she usually decides to take my deal and wiggles to a new spot. If not, I lay on my back and put my feet upright on the wall and gently jiggle her. (I used to jump up-and-down, but that, apparently, is not recommended.) Once she moves, I remind her that I will remember her stubbornness and will get even with her one day. (And, don’t worry, I promise to feed her daily despite how seriously I take bets).   

My baby bump, man and I toured the east coast recently and were showered with baby shower gifts. It was a very well-executed surprise and the gifts are so fun and much-appreciated. I never thought the sight of tiny shoes would have such an impact on me, but I just love looking at all the tiny stuff we now have. Some of the stuff still seems foreign to me (like, well, diapers) but the clothes, shoes, and toys are all wonderful. We have been having fun thinking about how we will organize space for Zoe Lu. We even have a deadline of November 10 to have the room ready for our new arrival.

And now, my belly size: HUGE! I am not exaggerating like I normal do either. Over the past month, I have seriously taken on the form of a very pregnant women. See for yourself:

To my disbelief, it is not so weird to have such a big belly (well, as long as full-length mirrors are few-and-far between because it really is weird when I see my full body’s reflection). I was sure that it must be totally uncomfortable to carry such weight and would seriously stare at women’s pregnant bellies with a mixture of admiration, loathing, and respect. Much like the way I stare at professional athletes in the midst of performing their sport. Maybe I don’t feel much strain because the process is so long and slow. Maybe it is just because I stupidly think that the bigness is here, and will really continue to grow into uncomfortableness over the next month. Well, either way, it is not such a big deal. Don’t get me wrong: There are a lot of strange movements that I find myself doing now. It is especially funny when I forget and sit down on the floor or on the beach and then have to stand up unaided. Now that is funny to see!

So, yes, there are lots of fun things to report. All of which really do help me feel better. And, I have a new attack for Sick-All-The-Time tomorrow. Hopefully, I will return with a joyful report lacking nausea, extreme tiredness, headaches, and any other crappy feelings. Here’s to tomorrow: Cheers!

Third Trimester

I really can't believe I will grow much bigger than what you see above, but when I talk to mothers I always receive the same reaction and they all say the same thing: "Oh, you just wait..." YIKES! is what I think about that.  I am big now. So big that, and I know it sounds funny, my belly bumps into things all the time. I really hope that Zoe Lu's reflexes are developing with ease and she is quickly learning how to protect herself inside my uterus, for I am not much help from the outside.

 See that crazy hair up there? And, I even brushed it before this photo. I have no idea what is going on with my hair. I did just get it cut and it is a bit straighter, but still weird. The cool girl who cut my hair repeatedly commented on the "new hairs" I have around my forehead. I hadn't really noticed those before, but I do have a lot more "fly-aways" in the front now too.

The fur on my arms is still growing like a forest fire. I just have no idea what to do about that. I was really close to shaving my arms the other night, but thankfully I resisted the urge. I just told myself that it would probably grow back even thicker. Probably true, right?

I complete week 27 on Tuesday. According to the books I was supposed to stop reading (for they really freak me out) I am just starting my third trimester. This is the final stretch, the last few miles of my marathon, the last couple waves of the session...the end is now in sight. Well sorta..., December feels like a long time away.

Cesar, Zoe and I are flying to the States on Wednesday. Zoe doesn't have a passport or a visa yet, and I am really excited about sneaking a half Latina into the country without any documentation. I used to dream about sneaking Cesar into the States in my checked bag, but we went the legal route and he has a tourist visa. Zoe Lu, on the other hand, doesn't have legal documents. I just hope she stays quiet from when we land in DC until we depart three weeks later.

This is easy now.

Yup, easy breezy. All the books I have been reading and stopped reading seem to focus on lots of bad things and feelings that should be happening, and I used to dwell upon those chapters. But, I have discovered that what is missing oftentimes is the good and fun parts of this feat. (And, boy, I sure have changed my tone, huh?)

I have completed 25 weeks and I feel great. In fact, if it weren't for reflective glass I would totally forget I am pregnant. Physically, I feel unstoppable. Now, I don't have Wonder Woman powers like some women have told me they experienced, but I really do feel fine. I would like some Wonder Woman powers though...

 I walk a lot, practice yoga, swim, bump into things and do have some anxiety about the future. But, I have inherited a strong affinity for needless worry from my mother, so I chalk my anxiety up as one of my mother's faults, not due to the pregnancy. I did freak out recently because a day and a half passed and the very, very strange fetal movements I now feel stopped, totally stopped. I had a great routine going and always felt Zoe Lu during Shavasana (the calm section that ends a yoga practice), immediately after eating and when I put my feet up on the wall before sleeping.

So, after an uncomfortable 30 hours I freaked out and called my doctor and took his (and my sister-in-law's) advice and drank some OJ, laid on my left side and Zoe made her presence known. She just must have been chilling for a few hours, and maybe I should learn how to chill a bit too. Maybe.

Oh, and, this is funny. One day I was walking back from the local surf beach and feeling a bit down because the waves were perfect and I long to be on my surfboard, but, anyway, I was just walking. Walking and thinking about nothing and suddenly...BOOM! I just fell down. My knee hit hard and my palms struck some gnarly rocks. It didn't hurt too bad, and I have a cool scab on my knee now. It was just so weird. I just fell. All I could think about is how the only thing I am supposed to avoid is falling. So, yeah, I fell.

As you can see, I am undoubtedly pregnant now. And, I have some new ground rules for the general public when you see a pregnant woman and feel overwhelmed to make a comment:

1. Never inflate your cheeks and pretend to be eating food. 
2. Make absolutely zero comments about her size.
3. Never say anything about what she is wearing (or not wearing).
4. As she eats (even ice cream for the third time that day), do not comment.
5. Do, please, look at her face when you talk to her. 
6. If she doesn't want to sit down, do not insist (but, thanks for offering her a chair).
7. If you are man, never claim to understand how she feels.
8. If you are a mom, share that secret "I totally understand" look with her.

What else is new?. . . Oh, hair!
I have an enormous amount of hair on my arms and should shave my legs twice daily. I have read that the hair on my head should look amazing now, but I didn't get that part. In fact, my head hair has this new fizzy, dried out, circa 1991 at-home perm look. And, lots of my head hair falls out, despite what the books say about it not falling out now and clumping out after birth. I just hope that once Zoe Lu makes her appearance the insane amount of hair on my arms departs. If not, I will start to dread it.

And, I have a funny line of hair straight down the middle of my belly. I don't know why, but that line always makes me laugh. I think I am tickled by the perfection and furriness of this line, and I have no idea why it is there.

So, hairy arms in tow, I am off to walk for a bit and soak up some afternoon sunbeams. I just hope I don't fall down...

Did he say...

Yeah, he did. He said it. The doctor was unequivocally sure. When I told the doctor that both of us always thought it was a boy, he told us that Jungle Baby could be a boy, but "there is her vagina". If we still wanted to think that it was a boy, that was fine, but "she is just perfect."

Yes, we were/are a bit shocked. You know when you order a chocolate milkshake and the container is really dark and you take that first sip. Well, you just expect a strong chocolate taste to hit your tongue in just the right spot. But, if you take that first sip and the milkshake-maker made a mistake and you have something weird, like, let's say, strawberry, you are just shocked. You might like strawberry, but it was not what you expected. That first sip is just weird and hard to accept. You might not go back to the milkshake-maker and return the strawberry shake, because maybe you really like strawberry and now the strawberry tastes good. But, you know, you just thought it was going to be chocolate.

I just thought Jungle Baby was going to be a boy. I was sure "it" was a boy. I have no idea why I thought that. And, clearly now, I have accepted the reality that I have zero maternal instincts that work. And,

Jungle Baby is ZOE LU!

Yes, she is perfect. She even looks really cute on the ultrasound video. She has a seriously strong heartbeat and she is going to be super incredible. I never really thought I would be a mom, and really have never considered the idea of having a daughter. I could see myself with a son. But, a little girl has never, ever enter my realm of daydreams. So, of course, I am going to have a daughter. But don't fret, I think about it all the time now, and it makes me crazy happy.

I think about how Zoe Lu is going to take over the world. Yup, she is (and I have zero maternal instincts telling me that this is true, I am simply listening to everyone around me). My parents raised me to be a very strong and independent woman and for that I am eternally gratefully. I plan on going even farther and raising a Super Woman. ZOE LU will be something extra special. She just can't ever want to take ballet. Then, we will really have to have some mother-daughter talks.

So, it seems we need lots of board shorts and bikinis. The best of both worlds!